I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
