I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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