so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
