She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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