Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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