my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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