he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me