You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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