5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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