I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
