if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
as a side note pls kill me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
