I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
