pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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