last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
