you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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