What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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