Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
