you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
