I'm gonna have a badass scar
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
