Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
