Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
