there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
