Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
