allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
