Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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