So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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