if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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