there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
