I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
