I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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