And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
