I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
