I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
