Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me