I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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