You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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