that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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