Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
