so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
