ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
