We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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