My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
