look no pants
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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