The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
