My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
