I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
