Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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