I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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