Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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