It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize