New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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