I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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