You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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