Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
