hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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