My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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