If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
