How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
