Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
