Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
