Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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