Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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