Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
