I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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