So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
