he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i now understand why vodka
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize